Fall Break? More like Fall Study Hall


     Fall break just ended and everyone is upset about it. Coming back to class after having some time to breathe would have been awesome if I could breathe underwater. I personally did not have a break to say the least, my break was spent on my laptop for over 8 hours a day working on assignments and get this, it was all for one class...

    Over the course of the 4 days we had for fall break, I worked on reading a 400 page book, with a coinciding 10 page paper, an 8 page paper with 8 sources, a 5 page paper with a 30 minute presentation coinciding, a 3 page paper, and I still have yet to do really anything for any of my other classes. The funny thing is I didn't even get any of the papers done that I needed to finish because I simply did not have enough time to do it. Although most of these assignments are still a week or so out, the idea of all of them being due at the same time is really what's digging at my core. I know I am perfectly capable of getting everything in on time if I dedicate myself to getting it done, but that's also the issue itself, the lack of motivation. I genuinely could not care less if I turn in an assignment that is half-baked and simply allows me to pass a class. 

    The workload I have been dealing with, along with getting a new job that will become full-time after I graduate, has solidified my rationalizations for not going to grad school. I never even wanted to go to college in the first place if we're talking honestly, which is why I have such a lack of motivation to actually put effort into my school work. The only thing keeping me from crashing out and completely disregarding my assignments is my own anxiety and fear of failure. So I guess you could say the only issue I have is my mindset toward school and education. Truthfully I love to learn, but I hate the structure of college and education demanding perfection. If I didn't have 40 other assignments that I could care less about the implications of, I would be able to focus on important assignments that I actually have interest in. Then also comes the idea of deadlines, and I don't think I have to explain that much because they allow me to procrastinate and feel pressured to get something done simply to get it done, rather than putting actual effort in.

    Just another rant because I genuinely have nothing else to talk about, this semester is consuming every fiber of my being.

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